Movie Advice of the Month: For the Ladies in the Audience. . .

Alex and I have decided to swap monthly features – he’ll select this month’s recipient of the “Clinty,” and I will offer the life lessons we wouldn’t realize but for the movies.

Here’s one for all the ladies that stop by the site from time to time (we know you’re out there – don’t try and deny it). Where would our relationships be without the movies? (I’m using “our” in the universal sense, of course) It’s so hard for men and women to understand one another, and that’s why the movies perform such an important public service. And, why it’s vital that we do exactly what they tell us to do.

So, ladies, here’s what the movies tell you to do – dump the guy you’re with. Dump him right now. Here’s why: he hates children, puppies, and your grandmother. On top of that, he’s secretly cheating on you and telling all of his friends. He’s an absolute [jerk], but you can’t see it because you’re so in love and dreaming about your perfect upcoming wedding. After all, he’ll change once you’ve gotten married, right? Don’t all guys eventually mature over time?

But, here’s the good news – your boyfriend/fiance’s best friend is perfect for you. He likes long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, and opening up to you about his feelings (and, as a side benefit, he's better looking than your current boyfriend). You can talk and talk for hours with him, and even though you’ve never had a clue, he really likes you (lots of guys will have 4-hour-long conversations with women they have no romantic interest in, right?). The problem, of course, is that he’s such a loyal friend and upstanding guy that he wouldn’t dream of damaging his friendship with your idiot of a boyfriend in order to tell you how he really feels. So it’s up to you. Do what’s right. Dump your boyfriend and marry his best friend. It’s probably what your mom did.

Note: Of course, if you've actually gone ahead and gotten married, this doesn't apply to you. We're sure you've made the right decision. Go ahead and dance around the dining room table with all your friends (yes, including the bitter unmarried one) singing along to Abba. You've earned it.