Movie Advice of the Month: For the Ladies in the Audience. . .

Alex and I have decided to swap monthly features – he’ll select this month’s recipient of the “Clinty,” and I will offer the life lessons we wouldn’t realize but for the movies.

Here’s one for all the ladies that stop by the site from time to time (we know you’re out there – don’t try and deny it). Where would our relationships be without the movies? (I’m using “our” in the universal sense, of course) It’s so hard for men and women to understand one another, and that’s why the movies perform such an important public service. And, why it’s vital that we do exactly what they tell us to do.

So, ladies, here’s what the movies tell you to do – dump the guy you’re with. Dump him right now. Here’s why: he hates children, puppies, and your grandmother. On top of that, he’s secretly cheating on you and telling all of his friends. He’s an absolute [jerk], but you can’t see it because you’re so in love and dreaming about your perfect upcoming wedding. After all, he’ll change once you’ve gotten married, right? Don’t all guys eventually mature over time?

But, here’s the good news – your boyfriend/fiance’s best friend is perfect for you. He likes long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, and opening up to you about his feelings (and, as a side benefit, he's better looking than your current boyfriend). You can talk and talk for hours with him, and even though you’ve never had a clue, he really likes you (lots of guys will have 4-hour-long conversations with women they have no romantic interest in, right?). The problem, of course, is that he’s such a loyal friend and upstanding guy that he wouldn’t dream of damaging his friendship with your idiot of a boyfriend in order to tell you how he really feels. So it’s up to you. Do what’s right. Dump your boyfriend and marry his best friend. It’s probably what your mom did.

Note: Of course, if you've actually gone ahead and gotten married, this doesn't apply to you. We're sure you've made the right decision. Go ahead and dance around the dining room table with all your friends (yes, including the bitter unmarried one) singing along to Abba. You've earned it.

Random Movie Question: Match Director to Film Franchise

There’s been some interesting news as of late. Some directors have been put to film franchises that I would not have immediately associated. For example, Guillermo del Toro will be directing the adaptation of The Hobbit, with Peter Jackson producing. It’s an interesting choice, because del Toro is such a visually simulating director. If you’ve seen Pan’s Labyrinth or the Hellboy movies, you know what I mean. I can’t wait to see what he does with Smaug.

Then there’s the latest news over the weekend that Kenneth Branaugh is in talks to direct the Thor film in Marvel Comic’s Avenger series (connecting Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, and Captain America). You may remember Branaugh from HP and the Chamber of Secrets (he played Gilderoy Lockhart) or from the number of Shakespeare’s plays that he’s directed for the big screen, including Hamlet, Henry V (which I need to see), and Much Ado About Nothing (tied as my favorite Shakespearen movie with Ian McKellen’s Richard III). He’s an interesting choice, certainly not one that I would have identified as a “comic book movie” director. Hopefully, he will bring the gravitas that Patrick Stewart and McKellen brought to the X-Men series (at least the first two films in that series).

A couple of weeks ago, “Moriarty” from Ain’t It Cool News gave an intriguing opinion (http://www.aintitcool.com/node/38353) about the next Superman movie. He thought that it would be interesting for the Coen brothers to direct the next movie – putting the ultimate man-without-guile into their O Brother and Hudsucker universe. Now, I don’t know if this is a good idea or not. Moriarty is basing it on a particular Superman story of which I’m not familiar. But that suggestion got me thinking, and that leads to this week’s RMQ:

What director do you think would make an interesting pairing with a particular story or film franchise?

The first thought I had for this was that Alfonso Cuarón would be perfect for Ender’s Game. If you’re not familiar with the story, it’s a sort of combination of Starship Troopers with Lord of the Flies. The main actors are children, and I think that Cuarón has demonstrated (with HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban) that he understands the relational dynamics between children, at least better than any of the other HP directors.

I’d also love to see Martin Scorese’s King Lear as a mob movie (like how Kirosawa brought the story into feudal Japan in Ran). With DeNiro in the title role, it would really be interesting from the perspective of the role of women (Lear’s 3 daughters as mob captains?) in contemporary Italian-American culture. Another Shakespeare film that could be interesting would be Wes Anderson’s As You Like It. There are enough off-beat melancholy characters in the play that it would fit perfectly in Anderson’s universe (Bill Murray as Jacques, the character who gives the “All the world’s a stage” speech, would be great).

What do you think? Should Spielberg direct the WWII-era Captain America origin story? Or Tom Hanks? Or Ron Howard? What about P.T. Anderson directing The Catcher in the Rye, or Charlie Kaufmann/Michel Gondry taking a crack at the oft-failed Don Quixote story? How long will we wait until Craig Brewer (Hustle & Flow) does a James Brown biopic with Eddie Murphy in the lead role?

Throw caution (and studio’s budgets) to the wind and come up with your most interesting pairings.